Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Some Things I Did

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Those are the first four mascots of my personality I've managed to illustrate.  There are tons more.  I've taken to drawing them on Post-It Notes and leaving them around my workplace instead of doing my job.  One of my favorites not illustrated here is Morning After Badger.  If you've ever woken up thinking, "Oh God, why did I do that last night?" or, if you've ever said anything like, "Fucking hell, why did I say that?" or, "Great, things will be awkward now, thanks, Alcohol!  Super.  Super." then you know Morning After Badger.

Basically, everything you've ever done while under the influence of alcohol, drugs, sleep deprivation, or horniness --or whatever else that you wish you could take back-- falls under the domain of Morning After Badger.

He's got problems.  His thoughts stop him at red lights and remind him of his shame, and then he forgets to go when the light turns green, which prompts the person behind him to honk their horn, which embarrasses him further.  Remember when you got drunk at that gay club and did that ridiculous dance that humiliated your gay friend so profoundly that he left you there with that giant black homosexual named Julius who pushed physics to its limits by *HONK!*

It's like that.

I also did a drawing of a weasel with big square glasses, poofy black hair, and holding a bottle of expensive Cognac.  I call him Kim Jong Weez-Il.  Get it?  GET IT?!  No?  READ A BOOK.  It's funny if you're smart.

Ooh, and then there's Problem Drinker Dragon.  He's fine the way he is.  Don't argue.

I call all these little drawings "Personality Pals" because I don't have the imagination or wit to think of a better name.  I like to collect pieces of people and illustrate them using painfully obvious metaphors.  I do hundreds of them.  In fact, I have a drawer full of them.  If I ever die, they'll search my desk and find them, assuming that I was an undiagnosed schizophrenic.

Then they'll see that I drive an El Camino, and assume that I'm a rapist, too.

4 comments:

  1. They, um, were always colored? And by that I mean the red bits, not to say they've always been black people.

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  2. I didn't notice before. I got real excited to see you had THREE comments and then was immediately disappointed to see it was only you. Thanks for bumming me out.

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